My Life’s Journey so far

Almost a week since I have written anything down. I wanted to on Sunday gone but just couldn’t motivate myself. When you just feel overwhelmed with everything you want to say you just don’t know where to start.

I have definitely realised that I have to change something with training. I cannot continue as I am.

I have also realised that my interest in a certain person is very much not the best idea. I am accepting that it is not going anywhere fast and have resumed detatching. In a good way as he is a very good person, and hasn’t actually done anything wrong. Just in a looking at things from a different angle kind of way and that way I still get to keep a good person as a friend. Just as long as the awful toxic person at training doesn’t manage to turn him against me. She is very good at that and has done it a few times already so I am guarded even as I am friendly.

I am also enjoying the fact that the other half of my dead marriage is away for a while. So peaceful, and I am sleeping in my own bed for a while so am actually getting some sleep. I have also been able to do some decluttering and sorting and been nice and relaxed while I am working.

The weight of everything is still there though so motivation is hard, but I am starting to succeed in making myself move to start things.

I know things will probably get worse in terms of atmosphere and him being a complete d**k once I have the conversation, but even if the house stuff and divorce take longer, I want to be officially seperated at the very least. I want to start using my maiden name, and if I manage to get to the point of opening my own school, I want to use my maiden name. My ‘husband’ has never trained, never been very supportive so I am 100% not using his name when I do this good thing. It is also annoying that when I compete, it is not my family name that is recorded. It should be MY name. I am me and I want to stand apart from him on this thing that is so important to me. My plan is for my belt to have my maiden name.

Planning to force myself to move so motivation to tidy certain areas in the house will kick in. Need to make the most of this time that I have without him around to make some things better and get on top of those things I struggle to when he is around. Wish me luck 🙂

It also means I will make a tidy area to so some crafting which I really enjoy aswell. It settles my mind, but I don’t do it at the moment because of the clutter. Once it is organised and tidy I can dip in and out when I have some time. Just the thought of it makes me a little bit happier 🙂