My Life’s Journey so far

Haven’t written for a while and I have realised so manybtjings in that time, or had things and thoughts further solidified. I hinestly do not see a way back from my situation. My view of people is changed to the point that if they turned around tomorrow and said ‘I see it all now. I know the truth’ I really don’t want them in my life like they were before. There is a saying ‘If someone never asked for your side of the story, the side they heard is what they wanted to believe’. Showing me that I may be a nice person (commented to me by many people, a lot if who have turned their backs on me) but people either just do not like me or they don’t like the fact I am actually genuine. Even when I don’t like someone I know it’s a ‘me’ thing and don’t feel the need to run them down or anything like that. I don’t repeat things I hear or see so no gossip from me. In short I am not entertainjng enough. There is also the fact that they are weak people who despite the whole ‘I stand up to bullies’ rhetoric, actually do not. They cower and pander to remain in the bully’s inner circle. Mind boggling..

Recent incident was at a function where everyone was dressed up and drinking. One of the ‘crowd’ around the bully was chatty and friendly. Even gave me a real tight hug that was long. Longer than just a quick goodbye hug. Then blanked me completely when I saw them next when the bully was around. It was a ‘absolutely not’ moment for me. Either fake to try and get something to pass back (and failed btw) or thinking to keep a foot in both and that I am so isolated I will accept that. Clearly do not know me at all. I may understand due to my experience with the bully (and the driver for all of this) but I do not have to accept it.