My Life’s Journey so far

The last few weeks have been a bit strange.. I had decided to accept this ‘connection’ (for want of a better word) alone. Move on from it because it began to feel like it was going nowhere.

Had a weird dream about a post on one pillar of social media, but I haven’t had a dream about this person in a while. Very low level and just their name in this dream.

Went out with a couple of friends, I was not drinking as I drove. When I got home I was readying myself for bed and turned to go towards the kitchen and saw something. I won’t go into detail but it was something that I cannot explain away. It was far too definite, but also quick. Not fleeting so you could question if it really happened though. I have been told previously that my Dad (who has passed) watches over me and the kids and where he stands in the house (no way this could be known). He has also come through with messages. Won’t elaborate on who/where but although I believe I am also very skeptical about people being real so always need something to prove it is genuine. This person I saw is genuine. This makes me believe that the messages I have received are being driven home to make me pull my finger out in changing my home situation.

I then had a night out with a friend (definitely drinking this time 😁) and I ran into the person I like very much. It was brief but felt meaningful. He has also been a lot more active with things where he had seemed to have completely pulled away before. I know he just thought I was absolutely not interested and although I was not forward, I did not try to hide the fact that my attention was on him (there were 3 other people out with him). I remain detatched in the way that I am accepting this is how I feel and if I did get with anyone else I want it to be him, no one else. I was prepared and happy to be alone so I will focus on changing and improving my life and if he decides to step forward I will be here but if not.. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I had someone I know tell me they really liked me which was weird (people don’t do that with me at all) so I know it is not just a desire to move on from my marriage but specifically this person I like as although this other person is someone I get along very well with (we were proper mates) I have zero interest in even exploring this. He doesn’t even cross my mind. But I think about the guy I like frequently.

I digress. After our night out I made a post that kind of supported the fact that it was him that only he could see which he liked the next day. The night after the night out I was drifting to sleep but kept getting woken up but I was dreaming about him commenting on the post I made and when I woke up I look at my phone to a notification from him. Not commenting but liking an older post of mine. I know dream i terpretation can be subjective but I don’t think this is councidental.

Now last night/this morning I wake up super early and I was dreaming that I was away (somewhere hot, although I just knew rather than saw/felt this) and he was there. All dressed up in a tuxedo looking amazing to me. We walked towards the lifts and we were holding hands and then put arms around waists.

Before I know it I am talking with my friend (who was a bit of a confidant at the start) who asked if the airline lost my luggage. I replied no, it was beside my bed a bit confused. She said it wasn’t in the room and when I am looking it is actually missing. Now although I feel this is a friwnd I believe her own struggles and how much I have been there for her has led her to manipulate me somewhat to ensure that this connection does not progress. I stopped telling her anything about it, She thinks it is done and has never asked me anything or let me talk about it beyond ‘information’ so I am happy for her to think this. There is also the possibility that she cannot fathom that someone likes me over her. She is rather attractive. There is basis for me thinking this, but a bit long winded. Another reason I do not say anything anymore. I feel she was acting supportive but manipulating me to behave in a certain way that would sabbotage it. Ways that are not me at all. I don’t do things purposely for a reaction. We can’t talk about how I am feeling about something for 5 minutes but we can’t talk soend many hours talking about the same things for her.

I think the dreams and events are sending me messages of things I know. Things I know are happening and things I need to do. There is a calm in this which is giving me some strength.