My Life’s Journey so far

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  • Training Tonight

    I am going to start by saying I thoroughly enjoyed teaching tonight. I can really see myself with my own school. Seeing the progression and potential of those I am responsible for teaching is actually a feeling I cannot describe. I love seeing the love of Taekwondo growing in them and it’s amazing to think I have played a part in that.

    I also know, call it sixth sense, that the toxic person is doing something against me again. I always sense she is setting things up but I got the feeling she is trying to move it along a bit tonight. I have news for her, I am so hyper aware of all her goings on, I can see it coming a mile away, she is not as clever as she thinks she is. And if she seems to be getting away with it, I will move forward with my plans. Not anything against her, that is not my way, but making the changes I need to so I can remove myself from the situation but not Taekwondo.

    All that drama aside, I loved tonight. Got to see some people I love who actually still see me for who I actually am, not a version designed to try and ruin me. I also enjoyed my own training. I do enjoy doing higher grade techniques. Learning new things in TKD is my happy place.

    Going to bounce around different timelines telling things as they come to me. To do with TKD, my personal life, my history and anything else that occurs to me that I cannot speak about with anyone.

    The discovery of a blog has given me a level of calm in the day I have been doing it. And I am writing again, not a high level or anything earth shattering but it feels wonderful.

  • What to Expect Tonight

    Well I am off teaching and training tonight. Wonder what this will bring after a sort of ‘run in’ with the toxic person last week. Flexing her pretend and imagined authority in a way that she cannot be called on it but also was meant to embarrass me and make me feel like shit. All it did was make me rage, on the inside. It is was also the catalyst to make me think a major change with regards to my training may be the best thing all around.

    Where I previously just flirted with the idea of this change, I am now seriously considering it, and just waiting to see how things are leading up to the next big event. She seems to be ramping up so if I see no action on this, if I am just left again to ‘accept’ this because I don’t make waves, then that will make my decision for me. People think I just put up with things and am ‘OK’ with it, but what they fail to realise is that I move in silence and they won’t know until I am sure and decided and my mind cannot be changed. They know it is happening so if they choose to delude themselves, it is on them.

    We shall see if anything looks or feels different. I am sure there will be something to write about later though after training. Hoping for a ‘It was an amazing session’ vibe myself.

  • Taekwondo Effect

    I am going to use this blog to basically talk about all the things I keep to myself, but with everything that is happening and has happened to me to change me, Taekwondo has been at the centre of it. Although a lot of things feel bad at the moment, Taekwondo has helped make things easier to deal with or has gotten me through entirely. Once I have told my story, I hope this will become about all the things I have gained, hope to gain and my ambitions in Taekwondo. I am currently researching and making notes to work towards (in the very near future) opening my own TKD school. I truly believe that everyone should give it a go. You don’t know how much you will love it until you start. I didn’t and it has only been a force for good in my life. The bad is not because of TKD, but awful people and they are everywhere. My experiences will help me support any future students and ensure that I can provide a safe environment for people to flourish in a sport that teaches good values and self defence.

    I will be detailing this journey along the way while I tell my story.

  • Current Situation

    I was initially going to start at the beginning but decided to start now and backtrack.

    I have been training in Taekwondo for almost 10 years now and it is truly the best thing I have ever done. I absolutely love it. Even the areas I am not good at 🙂 I am however, good at patterns (also known as ‘forms’ or ‘poomsae’ to others).

    I teach and also compete as a senior female black belt.

    My wonderful world of Taekwondo has been marred by the presence of a very toxic individual within the club I train at. I never believed I would ever encounter the level of vindictiveness and calculated campaign against me that I have with this individual. Made worse by the fact she befriended me a few years before she ‘came back’ to Taekwondo herself. I have had many realisations regarding this ‘friendship’ since all my trouble with her began, and I am sad to say that I do believe she targeted me from the start. Motivations may have changed during and since but I can see now with hindsight and clarity that it was her manipulations towards someone else that prompted her to befriend me.

    When this person restarted what I didn’t see was her jealousy (I am finally admitting that’s what it was) that because I had been training for a year and a half in the club before her meant I had already forged relationships with others, and she didn’t know many people at all. She used me to get close to all the people I knew.

    The current situation is that all the people who used to be friends with and speak to me no longer do and I now feel like an outsider in a club where I was well liked and respected. All because of lies she has told. I have only realised recently (last few days) that the worst lie (that I know of) was probably to deflect attention away from her after I backed out of an event I desperately wanted to do, and had actually qualified for as a competitor solely due to her. I have connected many dots but it has taken me a year and a half to connect those ones. Still much to be revealed concerning her manipulations with people. This blog is my starting point for telling my side of the story because so far not one person has actually asked me anything about what has happened. Disheartening to realise that no one actually cares and those I thought of as friends actually weren’t. I mean, if they were they would have surely have tried to talk to me about what was going on? I see that they were quite happy to jump into her camp so cannot have thought that well of me to begin with.

    I have good days and bad days but am feeling stronger all the time and have even come up with a solution. Just have to wait and see if I want to pull the trigger on that and if I do, I have to wait till after the next big event. Ironically her role at that event will be a factor in what I decide I want to do.

    I know right now my posts will jump to different timelines during my life, TKD training, events, current and past. Just looking to offload and tell my story.

    I will just settle on something and write. I will try and stick to a chronological order when I talk more about what I started above. The rest will fall where it lands.

    Thanks for reading ❤️